Engagement!
Images by Jeffrey C. Gleason
I can’t think of a more exciting and romantic time in a person’s life. It’s when two people in love make a verbal commitment to be together. Quite literally, that is what it means: “a formal agreement to get married”. Symbolically, however, it means oh so much more. When I got engaged earlier this year, it meant an end to the single life I enjoyed all through my 20′s–and I say “single” even though I was with Mitch, my fiancée, since I was 26–and the start of a new chapter. It just so happened that this new chapter coincided almost exactly with my 30th birthday, and as luck would have it the completion of my PhD, so to me it represented this transition to a more adult, settled life, which is certainly something I’ve welcomed with open arms after an incredible decade of traveling, partying, and doing, well, whatever I wanted in my 20s 
Just your typical superhero birthday party celebration in Charlottesville
The amazing thing, particularly in this day and age, is that engagement means so many different things to different people. I’ve had friends who have gotten engaged and are very nonchalant about it and others who scream it from the rooftop and celebrate it as much as they can. Here’s the thing: there is no right or wrong reaction, it’s all about what that wonderful, symbolic event means to each individual person. But I can confidently say now, as I’ve gone through the first four months of being engaged, that no matter what it means to you there are some helpful tips that all engaged couples can benefit from during their initial engagement and stages of wedding planning. Some of these tips I was given by others while other tips I’ve gleaned from personal experience thus far.
1. Celebrate.
This is such an exciting time in your life! Share your news with family and friends. Savor some personal, alone time with your new fiancée (to that end, use the word fiancée when talking about him/her). Heck, if you’re the type of person or couple that is feeling particularly joyful during this stage, skip to number five on this list, you’ll want to document this time as you’re exuding love and happiness. Oh, and just to be the voice of responsibility: insure your ring (sooner rather than later, okay?).
2. You may have dreamed about your wedding since when you can remember OR, if you’re like me, you never really thought about it until you got engaged. No matter what your expectations for the shindig you’re about to plan, probably one of the most important things you can do at first–and let me warn you, not one of the most fun parts of the process–is set a budget. It’s really important you do this first so that you go into the planning process aware of what you can and cannot afford. You don’t want to fall in love with a venue/vendor that simply does not fit into your budget. What have I learned so far? Things will cost more than you think they will; Your budget will most likely have to be amended (read: increased); You will undoubtedly have to make some tough decisions about what you really want and need and what you can live without. If you are true to the overall vision you have for your wedding, you can substitute smaller details to work with your budget. For me, I have this vision of a gorgeous Sperry tent from Skyline Tent Company. The tent is an expense. Let me rephrase: that tent is an expense. There is no way around it. But it is what I truly envision so we’re going to make it work by having Mitchell design our invitations and papers (luckily for us, his background in art and architecture will help!). Bottom line, get ready to make some tough decisions concerning the budget.
Telltale sign of a Sperry tent: their signature pennants. Image by Jen Fariello
3. Before you subscribe to a million wedding blogs, my personal advice would be to, well, make it personal. Reach out to family and friends who have gotten married already to ask for advice. The way I see it, they’ve been through it before and unless they had some horrible experience, which is unlikely, they will love to talk about their wedding. For me, I turned to my older sister Jessica for some advice. I’m sure anyone would say this of their sister, but in my opinion she masterminded an incredibly gorgeous fete in Northern Michigan for her nuptials to her now husband Jason. And might I add that she planned her wedding in 2007 before Pinterest even existed!
Images by Melisa McKolay
Jessica has provided wealth of information that has guided my planning thus far and I know can turn to her for help throughout the rest of the process. It just so happens that my twin sister is also getting married, about 8 months before me, so we’ve been planning a bit together and I know after her wedding this fall she’ll also help me by teaching me all the lessons she’s learned.
Another helpful tip? Think back on all the details you’ve loved at the weddings you’ve been to before.
At my cousin’s wedding last summer
4. Ok, so now you’ve set a budget and reached out to family and friends for input. It’s time to be decisive. Pick a Date and Venue. I put these two together because in many ways they are inextricably linked. Some venues might work better during certain seasons or logistically speaking some venues might only be available on certain dates. Having vendors that you personally want or must have, such as photographers or caterers, can complicate matters even more as you need to work to align everyone’s availability. Mitch and I had no problem picking our venue. We visited two spots, one was a majestic yet to be opened vineyard in White Hall and the other, Belle Haven, a gorgeous historic estate in Scottsville. We knew, even though it was in the dead of winter, that Belle Haven was perfect for us.
Because we knew we wanted a long engagement, we didn’t expect picking a date to be difficult. And it wasn’t since almost every Saturday in 2014 and almost all of our top vendors were still available at that time. Our only difficulty came from having too many options. Did we want to get married in Spring? Early Summer? When would the weather be right for an outdoor wedding? We finally decided on a mid-June date and will cross our fingers for the next year that it won’t be oppressively hot on the day we chose. Anyone who knows me personally knows I don’t do too well in the heat and humidity 
Only way to get me through the long, hot Virginia summer? Ice cream. And plenty of it
5. Consider hiring a wedding planner. I feel like there are many misconceptions out there about wedding planners. Just from conversations with some of my friends I’ve gotten the sense that some people mistake having a wedding planner for giving up creative control over how your ceremony/reception will look or delegating the decisions about which vendors to choose to someone else. Let’s settle this here and now. A wedding planner helps to facilitate the planning process, that is it. Your planner will have more or less involvement depending on the package you get and which planner you work with but basically a planner will help in a few main ways: First and foremost, some venues require you work with a planner, especially those that will necessitate lots of logistical preparation or setting up (whereas some venues provide an on-site coordinator for no additional cost). Secondly, a planner will help you create and–here’s the kicker–stick to a budget. Planners have a wealth of knowledge and connections (basically the third point here) and they can steer you in the right direction for certain vendors and stay on budget. Finally, planners and the team they work with can be invaluable on the day of the event so that you, your family, and your friends don’t have to worry about a thing. Just enjoy the special day. In short, the wedding is your vision, the planner just helps you execute it. I am thrilled to be working with Megan at Shindig Events and have already seen how having a planner is beyond worth it! Megan has created a month-by-month timeline/list of every detail we need to plan leading up to big day. I get this crazy sense of satisfaction when I can check items off this master list.
5. Take engagement pictures. You can actually do this whenever. I have friends who wait months and months to take engagement pictures. I also have friends who choose not to take any pictures. My advice? Have them taken and do it soon after the engagement. Most couples are incredibly happy and excited right after the engagement so what better time is there to capture those emotions? Having pictures taken with the photographer you plan to use on the day of your wedding will also allow you to get a sense of how they work and the experience you’ll have. So take pictures if you can. And take as many as you can since you’ll want to look back on this amazing time. Mitch and I are luckily friends with a photographer, Jeff Gleason, so we decided to do something completely different, crazy, and fun for one of our shoots (I’ll go into this more in my next post). We are also planning on having an engagement session done with the incredible Jen Fariello, who will be our photographer for our wedding. When all is said and done, we’re going to have all of these amazing, beautiful pictures. I can’t wait!
Images by Jeffrey C. Gleason
6. Divvy up tasks and start planning. I personally believe that wedding planning should be done with input by both the bride and groom-to-be, although I acknowledge that not all grooms-to-be, or brides-to-be for that matter, are interested in playing a role in the planning process. It is a ceremony and party celebrating the union of both parties so why not reflect that in the look, feel, music, food, etc. of the day? I consider myself extremely lucky that Mitchell wants to be involved in the aesthetic and logistical aspects of the planning. Not only does it make it easier, but it also makes it more fun!
Fun is what we’re all about!
This is really as far as I’ve gotten in the planning process (well these items as well as some time on Pinterest) so I’ll stop here. It would be so helpful to hear some tips and advice from those who have already gone through this process in the comments below. We’re open to getting and using as much help as we can get!
I look forward to reflecting on some of our experiences in front of the camera during our engagement photo sessions for my next post. Until then, happy planning!
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